I'm Now Available For Speaking Engagements

You think I'm kidding? I am so not kidding. I'm a speaker now...Ahem,...(clearing of the throat. I do that alot ever since the 'cream cheese' contest. I don't know if I'll ever be the same.)

 Grand and Glorious Topics of Inspiration:

1. How to survive your divorce and come out stronger, SEXIER, and happier than you ever thought possible!

Gosh, that's an ugly picture...But  it does inspire.  Dear Lord, if she can do it, so can I!

I mean, if that ain't sexy, I don't what is.

2. How to meet the man of your dreams. In three easy payments.

Need I say more?

3. Dare is always somepin' to be DANKFUL for, you gots to open yo' eyes chile!
 Alligator-On-A-Stick  brings out the preacher in me.

And last, but not the very last

4. You are full of potential!
Look at this small acorn. You would never know just by looking at it all the beauty it contains.  Have some faith, and trust God with every area your life...

5. Because Great Things Come From Little Things.

I have spoken. It is so.

Public speaking isn't scary at all. I just did it, and it was no problemo.

I bet learning Portugese isn't that hard either...

Shocking! I know...

Well folks, I didn't win the Paula Deen cream cheese recipe contest. SHOCKING!!... I  know. Even with that last big bite in honor of the grand dame herself it wasn't enough. Oh well, I don't regret it. Not the 'big bite', or the weeks of cream cheese indulgence because it was superduperdupity FUN! I've come to the conclusion that I will need to video all cooking endeavors henceforth. It's the only way I feel like cooking...Can you imagine how thrilled Mr. Wonderful is about this new revelation of mine? He's my professional cameraman. Now, he's got  purpose and an opportunity to actually have a hot supper. All after a hard day's work.

By the way, here's another SHOCKING!! fact. I didn't win the lotto powerball of  $210 million...

AND, I'm not a professional photographer. I know. THAT news probably just caused you to spew your coffee out of your mouth and ruin the white blouse you had so carefully ironed.

P.S. I love you my faithful readers...shocking! I know...because normally I hate people...not really...only if you get on my nerves and are stupid and dumb...but you aren't like that...wanna share my block of cream cheese?

Mothers, Ducks and Other Very Scary Objects

You all know by now that I live in Paradise. Not only have I told you, I've shown you picture after picture. I've bragged incessantly and consistently for months...And here I go again.

Look below...did I just hear a faint gasp of delight escape from your lips?

I thought so.

The picture above is a pond at the local park, a few blocks from my house. (That's the bragging part, because really, does it matter that it's a few blocks from me? Why yes,  yes it does. Thankyou for asking)

But what this is REALLY about is fear...See this man,who happens to be my father? And that woman, with a look on her face that says, "Here we go again...", she's my mother.

And she's about to torment my father. He's afraid of birds. Terribly, deathly, thumb-sucking, mind boggling , rocking in the fetal position afraid...

So, she takes him straight to the duck pond.

Honey, look! It's just a wittle pwecious baby duckling...Isn't he cute?

Here come Mother and Father! How sweet! A duck family!

Now, Honey, don't be afraid. It's just the aunts and uncles and cousin who've come over to say "hi".

And then, she gets within inches of the wild-peck-your-eyes-out-at-any-moment duck family.

 It's these kinds of things that cause people to crack up. Or use crack.

Later, we all relaxed with a little bit of crack,  candy and recovered from the trauma.

She'll probably want to brush an alligator's teeth next time they visit.

Cream and Blueberry Trifle

Dahlings! Here is my final CREAM CHEESE video.
Wish me luck, won't you? If you won't or you don't, just lie and tell me you will...