I Want It Now!

Just call me Veruka... " I WANT IT NOW!! "
A fancy schmancy camera that takes breathtaking pictures that I can make even more fancy schmancy using photoshop!   I WANT IT NOW!!   I WANT IT NOW!!

Veruka Chubby. I think it has a nice ring to it.
I'm going to go suck my thumb and rock in the corner for awhile...

A Fairy Princess Grows Up

Yesterday I talked to my oldest daughter.

She's preparing to graduate from COLLEGE this December. For some reason I was thinking she was just finishing kindergarten... I have no idea how this happened. One minute she was a fairy princess and

 the very next minute she was saying, "Mother, puh-lease. I am soooo much more than a fairy princess."
I'm going to change the world.

So she went and got her own apartment, then  marched on Washington D.C. She even took a trip to Europe to enhance her education. It seemed like alot for a kindergartner to take on, but she assured me she could handle it.

My beautiful princess.
I never dreamed you'd be a college graduate AND a dog whisperer.
You really are so much more.
Well done.

Outside? What's That? Never Heard of It...

Welcome to Hell


I haven't exercised in over two weeks. Shocking!!, but true. I haven't seen sunlight. With only the dim flicker of the television and the half naked people on Dancing with the Stars to keep me going, its been  a long month.  Let me explain.
IT'S HOT OUTSIDE.
Period. The end.
I knew you'd understand.
Yes, it was warm in June, toasty in July, and scorching in August. Still I walked, being the faithful fitness chubby guru that I am.  But those were the summer months when it all made sense. Now it's September. The air should have a crispness about it. I should be developing a taste for apple cider and strolls in the country, waving friendly-like at my neighbors.I should be preparing to don my freshly polished skates and heading to the local pond which should be almost frozen over by now. And because I don't know how to iceskate, I'd break through and almost drowned and a big ta-doo would be made. Plus, I'd be burning lots of calories.
 Instead I've got visions of flies and cold gatorade dancing in my head. While sweat trickles down by face.
And that's sitting inside my house.
 I am eating animal crackers, which are very low in sugar, and I'm watching tennis. That counts for something.

I May Faint From Excitement!

I admit it. I'm slow on the uptake when it comes to the newest, the latest and greatest in technology.
But, I'm not AS SLOW as some of you...
I've never been one to point fingers, unless they're spirit fingers and they're bringing the love.

So for all you folks still living in the dark ages I want to point out my TOP THREE discoveries, guaranteed to CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER!

1. Pandora Radio
I love, love, LOVE this free internet radio that comes streaming into my home. Mostly I love that I can build whatever kind of music I like. I have a 'come to Jesus meetin' every morning...with artists like Kari Jobe, Keith Green and Chris Tomlin I really have no excuse for the bad attitude I displayed the other day. I'm so ashamed Mother! It was my raging hormones, I swear!

WARNING: When trying to upload Pandora on my mobile device without using the old lady reading glasses that are required AT ALL TIMES, I accidentally chose some kind of Satan worshiper music. I'm not lying...

2. Smart Phones
These things are soooooo smart. They're smarter than me, that's for sure. And I KNOW they're smarter than...well, I hate to mention names. You know who you are, and you need to get one of these things, El Pronto. You can text by talking into the phone instead of typing. That feature alone makes me swoon with joy because I've never been a good texter. You can also check your email, find your way anywhere in the world with the built in GPS, and get on facebook. Not to mention blog. Not to mention check your bank balance. Depressing? I know. But, still.

WARNING: The texting microphone feature can be a little tricky to use. For example, it translated "I love you Wendell Barry" to  "I love you window fairy".  Oh, well. I sent it anyway. He understood what I meant....I think.

3. Skype
Puh-lease. I just clued in to this little wonderment of free talking while looking at the person. AWESOME! I've heard through the grapevine that this Skype thing has been around for years.
 But did I know this? NO, I did not. If you have kids that are miles and miles away, like I do, and you miss them like crazy, like I do, then this is the device for you. Go now and purchase a little camera and microphone, get on Skype, which is free, and talk with tears in your eyes begging the little ones to come visit.

WARNING: People can SEE YOU. Put some clothes on.

I love my smart phone, don't you sister?!
Shutup, my big toe's about to snap off.