To My Dear Adoring Public

Dearly Beloved Friends, Fans, and Family,

Ever since I promised to run naked through the streets of Rome, WHEN I GET 100 FOLLOWERS, I have had NO MORE FOLLOWERS.

Except for two. And they're now my BFF's forever...Hugs and kisses ya'll...

Anyway, look, I've got to get to Rome. But before that can happen,  I have to get 100 people to follow me. So here's the deal. I'm gonna keep my clothes on-at least while I'm in the holy city. After that I make no promises.
This whole thing is a BIG surprise for Mr. Wonderful...he has no idea about followers, my nakedness in Rome, Rome itself, me using the Mastercard to get to Rome, or even making cupcakes here at home as the booby prize. I'm not sure he even knows what a blog is. So, if you won't do it for me, do it for him. He's never seen Rome...

Ok-fine. You can come with us...That will be a nice big surprise for him too.
See you in Italy...wearing only a toga...Uh?...Yes, togas are from Greece.
See you in Italy...FULLY CLOTHED...don't be afraid. Just follow me...

Sheesh!

I went, I saw, I came home bitter

I've returned from my glorious rendezvous at the Country Living Fair...

We walked ,we shopped, we laughed with joy. Packed with creativity,  it was a feast for the eyes, and good for the soul. I came away inspired, rejuvenated, and determined to make my home look like a shop. :)

Then, I walked in the front door of my house.
Good God. I gasped in horror. For some reason, until this very moment, I hadn't realized I was living in a drab, lifeless shell of a home. Why, this is no better than a prison cell...
What's that ugly little chair doing over there in the corner? Who thought it was a good idea to buy a television and prominently display it in the family room? Where are the fabulous fabrics and ribbon and fresh mowed hay strewn upon my floor? What about the fresh flowers, the hand sewn quilts, the charming vintage everything, not to mention  ' what is that smell?'... 

Today is a new day people. I just spent 6 hours cleaning, I've lit every candle I own,  tomorrow I'll be painting, and the day after that, I'm going to build a tree house out back complete with stainless steel appliances, and vintage curtains...

Brown Spots Are Pretty

Hey Ya'll-
I'm dashing out the door, headed to Atlanta to attend the Country Living Fair at Stone Mountain Park...I am so excited! But before I go, I wanted to share the traumatic event that scarred me forever.

Yesterday. There I was,  innocent as a lamb led to the slaughter, minding my own business.  I had browsed for a book, chosen one, and stood waiting patiently in line for 15 minutes. Finally, it was my turn. I smiled warmly, and said 'Hello! How are you today?'

She took my book, and...

 That's when the Goodwill checkout clerk asked, "Senior Discount?"

Time stood still. First, I quickly shook my head violently back and forth to make sure my hearing wasn't impaired...Did she say, "Senorita, would you like a discount?" I knew it was unlikely now that I've lost my summer tan. My mind was reeling, seeking an answer to this 11 YEAR age gap situation. Senior Discount?? I quickly looked down at what I was wearing, felt my face, touched my eyelashes, and thought about my roots...I WAS dressed, my makeup WAS on, eyelashes WERE thick, and black and full, just like the mascara advertised they would be, roots WERE highlighted with the sunkissed look of youth. So, I imagined myself slapping her across the face, hard. And it felt good, really, really good.
I snapped back into reality, and that's when I saw it. Her mouth curled into an impish, demonic little grin...Folks, I'm telling ya', it was evil, PURE EVIL checking me out at the Goodwill!

Well, I'm outta here. Gone like the wind in my KIA... into the loving arms of Atlanta...headed straight for the nearest botox clinic...

Dictator or President?

I woke with a start this morning and realized with total clarity,
'I should run the world.' Also known as my other oft realized epiphany...'Do I have to teach you people everything?' I also realized the house needs a good dusting, and soon.

I do it all the time. Have FABULOUS ideas that are SO OBVIOUS they would bite you on the boo-tay if they had teeth, but somehow are not being put to use.
What are they?
You mean, the ideas?

.....?????.....?????....?????....?????

You can't put genius on the spot like that. It doesn't work that way. Duh...'do I have to teach you everything?!' (Ah, satisfaction. One good use of my oft realized epiphany)

I can die happy now, thin hair gently covering my no-neck. Don't even try to pry the candy from my balled fist, but most importantly, don't forget to bury me in black.

Can you believe I was actually able to get two men to marry me? I'm constantly spouting drivel like this, and still, they come in droves, begging for my hand. Well, two of them did. Not at the same time. I'm not into the whole 'brother husband' idea.

Ugh, can you even imagine? Large inhale, 'let's not even go there'...