Unmarketable Talents

It's truly amazing the talent my family has. From the youngest to the oldest, we are LADEN ( love using big words) with completely unmarketable skills. I feel we are almost blessed with more than our fair share.

I said ALMOST. Otherwise the annual Fourth of July talent show would be a bust.

HERE'S THE LIST OF OUR FAMOUS TOP TEN:

1. My sister can instantly recognize celebrity voice overs. She just closes her eyes, and voila! she knows who it is.





2. My father can play the trumpet without a trumpet. He uses his very own lips to create the sounds-like quality of a small kazoo.





3. My husband is multi-talented, however because I hate to brag I'll list just two. He can wiggle not just his ears, but his entire face on command. So special. He also recognizes patterns like nobody's business. (I really don't even know what 'recognizes patterns' means. But I'm taking his word for it that it's totally cool.)





4. My niece can twist her fingers into alien hands. A skill I proudly taught her. She's now a child prodigy, making her teachers swoon.





5. My youngest daughter creates the 'duck lip' model pout whenever the mood strikes her. It's awesome.





6. I myself can bend my hand down and touch my arm, making me look like I have a nub. I know...it's DEFINITELY awesome and a little nauseating.





7. My mother pretends she speaks Vietnamese and tries to talk to the nail tech ladies. For real.





8. My oldest nephew contorts his body into unrecognizable dance moves and displays them at all important events.





9. My middle daughter does the same thing. Unrecognizable dance moves. Two in one family. That's why I said it's almost more than our fair share. ALMOST.





10. My brother-in-law can ribbon dance like nobody's business. He's poetry in motion.

These are but just a few of our skills. Don't be jealous. I'm sure you've got talents too.

You can officially try out for our annual July 4th talent show if you'd like.

Besides the $1000.00 entry fee, (I do accept cash or checks, made payable directly to me. shhhh, let's keep this on the down low.) the bar has been set very high, so bring your best.

I Am My Own Grandpa

Lined up against the wall, mug shot style. Mr. Wonderful looks pensive. He's not sure if he's convinced them yet. (Read the post below to understand what the heck I'm talking about.)

Grandaddy duties...

There's something I need to clear up.

Something weird and strange and inexplicable, but I'm gonna do my best.

For some reason Mr. Wonderful thinks that his parents are his grandparents.

It basically goes like this:

Where do your parents live?

"Granny and Grandaddy live on a farm."

No, not your grandparents, your mom and dad. Where do they live?

"They are my parents. Granny and Grandaddy. They live on a farm."

You were raised by your grandparents?

"No. Granny and Grandaddy."

HUH??

It took me a little while to figure this one out. Granny and Grandaddy are Mama and Daddy.

WHY??

I had Mr. Wonderful lay down on our couch and I attempted to probe the recesses of his mind. Nothing. I had to draw my own conclusions. Since I'm an untrained, unlicensed professional, this is what I've decided.

He knows they're not his grandparents. He's trying to brainwash them into thinking they are. Because he wants them to buy him stuff. Like toys and candy. Grandparent kinds of stuff.

Personally, I think it's BRILLIANT.

God Knows Your Name

I don't know who you are. But God does. And He told me to tell you that He loves you very much and wants to heal all of your broken places.

It's not by coincidence that you are reading this blog. Trust Him with your life. He gave His son for you and there is no mountain too big for Him. He will carry you.

'For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them.' Psalm 139:13-16

I Almost Slipped Over The Edge...Again

Thank goodness it's finally Spring. I was this close to slipping into Fatty-Potatty world. Out of the land of Reasonably Chubby into the nightmare of why is my chair still attached to my bottom when I walk across the room?

And the crazy thing is it happens every winter. Since the time I was born. Every winter I'm holed up like a little gopher eating pie until the time change occurs. By the time I open my door and let the sunshine in my pupil's expand so quickly I'm almost blinded. My mother will vouch for this. "Yep, she was always a tan little RC every summer, but when winter hit, she just puffed right up and cried for pie."

It's the same song and dance. From the dawn of the ages until exactly one minute ago...when I realized it's time to put the stretchy pants away and buy a bathing suit. (*cue-music from psycho).

I've got to go pray now.