Today Is Our One Year Anniversary!

For our one year anniversary we went to New Orleans...

And stayed in a lovely bed and breakfast! All planned by my very own Mr. Wonderful.

Mr. Wonderful, posing...Wendell needs his smoking jacket and pipe.

Welcome to the parlor... Care for tea dahling?

And here we have the bathing situation. Um, dahling, precious, pumpkin-pie....  where's the shower???

It's been a wonderful year! Happy Anniversary to my sweetie!

No Wonder I Can't Remember Anything

I've been doing this all week. As in, Every Single Day. My brain is now officially fried from the sand,  surf and sun and I'm loving every minute of it.

And here's the ridiculous part. Although I'm wearing a bathing suit EVERY SINGLE DAY I eat what I want, when I want. Because for some reason after being at the beach all day I feel as if I've run a marathon or two.

I literally have tricked myself into thinking I'm exercising. When in reality, I'm  laying there.

 Anytime I get hot and sweaty I think I'm exercising. It makes perfect sense. It's honestly the best exercise program I've ever put myself on. You should try it sometime.

You can thank me later...after you've lost your tan and have to face your white dimpled thighs, twenty pounds heavier in some cruel flourescent-lit dressing room.

 Until then, enjoy!

I was going to tell you something, but I can't remember what it was...

I WAS going to tell you something very important. Life changing...probably. But, I can't remember what it was.

Well, durn, and dang, and shoot, and all those other words I use when I'm slightly irritated.

 I only pull out the big guns when I'm really, really mad. That's how you know I. AM. REALLY MAD. Because you certainly wouldn't be able to tell from my bulging eyes and  throbbing forehead vein.

 Anyway, back to the life changing info. Sorry, I can't remember it. I'm sure it was something FANTASTIC to help you lose weight, win a million bucks, or live the life of your dreams.

Or,  it had to do with used coffee grounds.

Carry on brave soldiers, carry on.

 In the meantime, I'll set up my paypal account and let you know where to send your money...

I think I'll go sit in the little hole under the bridge until I think of it...

I'm Now Available For Speaking Engagements

You think I'm kidding? I am so not kidding. I'm a speaker now...Ahem,...(clearing of the throat. I do that alot ever since the 'cream cheese' contest. I don't know if I'll ever be the same.)

 Grand and Glorious Topics of Inspiration:

1. How to survive your divorce and come out stronger, SEXIER, and happier than you ever thought possible!

Gosh, that's an ugly picture...But  it does inspire.  Dear Lord, if she can do it, so can I!

I mean, if that ain't sexy, I don't what is.

2. How to meet the man of your dreams. In three easy payments.

Need I say more?

3. Dare is always somepin' to be DANKFUL for, you gots to open yo' eyes chile!
 Alligator-On-A-Stick  brings out the preacher in me.

And last, but not the very last

4. You are full of potential!
Look at this small acorn. You would never know just by looking at it all the beauty it contains.  Have some faith, and trust God with every area your life...

5. Because Great Things Come From Little Things.

I have spoken. It is so.

Public speaking isn't scary at all. I just did it, and it was no problemo.

I bet learning Portugese isn't that hard either...