Tuesday, April 13, 2010

If You're Lucky, You're From Texas

The Proud Texan, One of the Millions...(dad, you look good.)

I'm from Texas. And dang proud of it. Every Texan I've ever met is dang proud.

Why is this? I thoughtfully pondered as I stroked my double-chin... Immediately I knew why. These are the lessons I'd been taught since I was but a child upon my daddy's knee.

  1. We're the biggest state in the whole dang country, dadgum!

  2. We own the Alamo.

  3. We're the originators of big hair.

  4. All the good artists are from Texas. And the most intelligent people, not to mention the pretty people are from Texas. Have you seen what the rest of the country looks like?

  5. We are friendly and we fix stuff. "Hi ya'll! I'm fixin to kick yer ****"

  6. We are The Dallas Cowboys.

  7. The Texas Hill Country is just as purty as ol' Europe.

I haven't lived in Texas since I was 20 years old. But I'm still Texan. And my children are half Texan. They're dang proud too.

My oldest daughter promptly informed her Colorado teacher in third grade that she was "half American, half Texan." Her sisters nodded their heads in firm agreement.

This happens through brainwashing. It starts before birth. Pregnant women all across the state rub their bellies and whisper, 'Hi you purty little Dallas Cowboy cheerleader' or ' big handsome football player'. We can't wait to meet yew...

If you've ever met a Texan you know I'm telling you the truth.

"Hhhhhhhiiiiiiiii. I'm from Texas. Where're you from? Dang, I'm sorry..."