Thursday, May 6, 2010

You Know You're Hormonal When...

I know for sure, with absolute certainty I'm "hormonal" when I find myself tearing up at Home Depot commercials. I mean, seriously? The people in their little orange aprons with big smiling faces...I wish they were my friends. *sob*. Hallmark card commercials? I'm on the floor, a puddled mess of a woman.

It certainly doesn't help that my middle daughter, my precious child, who was in Europe for 3 months finally came home and stayed with me for 2 weeks. And then she left. Some ridiculous, "but mother I do have a job waiting for me and I need to find an apartment for the Fall semester" excuse she's been using since she was 10.

Two glorious, enchanted weeks, where we laughed and played and played and laughed. And giggled. And cooked. And talked. And watched movies. And biked. And shopped. And loved on each other.

I must stop now before I hyperventilate.

It's not easy coming to terms with the 'empty nest' years.
I loved being home with my 3 girls. I babied them, saying things like, I wub oo.
"We wub oo too mommy." Poor little dumb kids. Then, we'd all pile up on the couch together, like puppies from the same litter, and watch Disney movies and eat candy. Or the girls would play dress up, and stay outside all day pretending the 'hot lava' was coming...ohhh, the scary hot lava! I know, it makes no sense. That they did this until they were in high school. Poor little weird kids.

Unlike the mothers of today, I didn't raise baby geniuses, toddler Phds, or Preschool Einsteins.
No, I talked to them in baby talk until last year. Would oo like a cup of wa-wa? "Es pwees".

And then I sent them to college.

I know they'll be back. Someday. When they need a built in babysitter, or a loan. And I'll be here waiting for them and their babies, and I hope I like their husbands and that their husbands like me. (although, evil mother-in-law does have a certain ring to it, doesn't it?)

Until then, the Ford pick-up truck commercial just came on. I gotta go...
P.S. I wub oo ebbybody, Happy Mudders Day!

How Do All the Crazy People Find Each Other?

It's amazing, isn't it? The way crazy people always manage to find each other. Weird people attract other weird people, then mate, creating weird little children. Cool popular people find the other cool populars and ride off into the sunset together.

Oh. My. GAWD. My first Oprah aha! moment. (I was wondering if I would ever have one of those in my lifetime.) I think I've just discovered the REAL REASON my first marriage failed. I'm weird and husband #1 was quite normal. Husband #2 however...that's a different story altogether. More like a match made in heaven.

Lots and lots of stupid jokes, impersonations, idiocy, and nonsense does a good marriage make. When you're weird, I mean. And we are both very very weird.

If you're cool and popular then you need polo shirts, flashy cars and diamonds.

Crazy? Celebrate with the padded room, rocking, sucking your thumb activities you love so much. Do them together for a bonding moment.

Ahhh, life. Sweet, ironic, bitter life. Sorry, kids. I mated with a "normal", so two of you are weird(you know who you are) and one is not. Hopefully this insight will help you more than any college education you may get.

Go ye therefore and... mate? (But not before you're married, or I'll have to kill you.) And have a wonderful day!