Tuesday, December 28, 2010

I've been everywhere man....

'This land is your land, this land is my land'...

The Great American road trip of 2010 is a success!!
2000 miles later...
 I told Mr. Wonderful, 'good thing we like each other, huh?' He nodded in agreement while stuffing pankcakes down his throat  faster than you can say 'uh, honey, you're going to choke'. That was in Coleman, Texas, in a stinky little diner where all the people we saw had on camouflage. All The People. The women, the children, the babies, EVERYONE. I think Mr. Wonderful was eating fast 'cause him was scared!

I told him not to worry, that Texans are known for their friendly waves, and drawn out 'hhhhiiiiii'sssss'. Maybe he was just hungry. We had to wait 45 minutes to be served since they made sure every.single.local.bubba in the joint was served first. And then, we reeked of cigarette smoke for the next 6 hours.
Yes, this is what I call FUN!

Okay, so here's the low-down:
1.Atlanta, Georgia
2.Pearl, Mississippi
3.Rockwall, Texas
4.Lubbock, Texas
5 San Antonio, Texas
6.Beaumont, Texas
7.Little ol' Fairhope, Aly-bamie

We've laughed, we've ate, we've laughed, we've ate, ect., ect., ect...
Oh, yeah, and I've bonded with every elliptical at every motel we've stayed at. I hate being disciplined. It goes against my nature.But all I have to do is glance at my pretty fingernails and remember that I LOST. That's when my eyes narrow into slits and I ask Mr. Wonderful if he can drive while I run alongside the car.

New Years resolutions are for sissies!! Bring it during the holidays baby!
(Now for my ear-piercing warrioress cry, and then jammies and bed!)

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Trust Me, She Deserves A Post...

See the woman below? Rudolph's twin sister?
The one known as Aunt Kay. (Or she'll step on your foot and crush your toes and snatch your twenty dollar gift card back until you do call her Aunt Kay...and say it with a smile, you little brat)

Yeah, HER. Well, I want to tell you something.

She was part of the package. The package that came with Mr. Wonderful I mean. She's his little sister, and I couldn't be luckier! First of all, I'm sure you can tell from her reindeer horns ALONE that she's fun! Throw in the shiny red nose, and what can I say? You gotta love this woman! 

And she's sweet. She loves her daddy and her mama, her children, her friends and her husband with everything she's got. She gives it her all...and it shows. She loves dogs, and cries easily and laughs loud.  She loves Jesus, and sings like an angel too. She opens her heart and her arms to the ones God places in her path.  So, I just wanted to say thanks Kay. Thanks for making me feel so welcome, but most importantly thanks for being you. 
And just because, I wanted to throw in this picture. Obviously Mr. Wonderful  loves his mama!  His eyes are glazed over with the look of adoration.
Or, maybe he had a few too many rum balls...

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Mama, I cain't spell no more

Ya'll, I'm getting old...or stupider. Or worse.  BOTH.

I USED to be a whizbang speller. I USED to be the go-to spell queen of my family, my friends, okay, I'll say it-THE WORLD! It's hard when you lose your identity. I mean, who am I now?

Am I still Mother of all mothers? Am I still everybody's favorite friend? Am I still a Realtor? Frankly, who knows...Then there are the big questions, the deep probing thoughts of life.

Am I still Reasonably Chubby?
Okay, yeah, everythings fine. I did the ol' thigh check.  I"m still me.

I just noticed I misspelled I"m...

Sigh. Oh, well. At least Santa Clause is real, and that will never change.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Hey, Lady, it's just a gift...

The great road trip of 2010 is in full swing, and as  I sit here in Pearl, M-i-crooked letter-crooked letter-i-crooked letter-crooked letter-i-humpback-humpback-i, (Pearl, Missippi that is)  I'm thrilled to say it's started with a bang!

The proverbial white elephant gift exchange with Mr. Wonderful's family. You've never seen so much hair snatching, smack talk with a distinct ghetto feel to it. As in, 'you touch my present, I will cut you'. And this was with a $10 price point.
Ahhhh, Christmas.....

Actually, it was all very fun and pleasant, especially with Granny's rumballs available whenever you needed one. More rum than ball, and not a switchblade in sight. However, we did have two very nice guests attending, two innocents from the great land of India.

Abraham and Reba. They were scared. I could tell from the look in their eyes...and they should be. Because we might not 'cut you' with our knives, but if you DARE touch my Walmart gift card which came disguised as a sausage roll, and I had to worry that I was going to get a big ol' log of gross deer meat turned into sausage, then felt the glee that it was really MONEY, don't mess with that. That's some strong emotion going on. Hey, where are the rum balls?

So, yes, we had a wonderful time! And we scored! My hands are lotiony soft as we speak, scented with  peppermint snowflakes,  and Mr. Wonderful is cozy in his new fleece pullover.  Except for the fact  Mr. Wonderful kept accidentally slipping into a fake Indian accent every time he conversed with Abraham. Sheesh!
I could swear I saw Abraham flash some metal at him...

Thursday, December 16, 2010

A little touch of bitterness has set in...

Hey everybody!
How are you today? Lovin' that Christmas spirit, looking forward to magical moments with friends and family and all that jazz? We're only 9 days away...

All that joy has been swallowed up in one horrible shocking moment, from which I am still trying to recover.

There, I said it, and NOOOO, I am not being a drama-queen.
Fact: I have been diligently tracking my food intake, ( I love sounding clinical about things that nobody cares about), AND I have also been sweating my buns off 4 weeks.
Fact: I have lost 2 pounds. (Hold on, I've got to scream into my pillow now)

My so-called friend, AMANDA, ( I hate to mention names, but I will when trash talking friends behind their backs. Of course, she usually reads this blog which makes it even better) who has challenged me to a death defying weight loss goal of 20 pounds by Feb. 1, has lost 6 pounds. While eating potato soup and grits...and not going to the gym for days!

How dare her????

Granted, she has been sick for a week, and hasn't been able to leave her house. But, right before our weigh in today, she said, and I quote, "Oh, I'm dreading this. You won't believe all the food I've eaten". Or maybe she said it right after, and saw with great joy that she had just won our 'mini-challenge'.
I get to treat her to a manicure/pedicure.
A hideous, vile, and evil something or other is out to get me.
Hold on, I've got to go throw eggs at a moving vehicle, or at least swing the neighbors cat around by it's tail...

Okay, I'm back. Wonder how many calories that burned?

At least my nails are gonna look pretty.

Monday, December 13, 2010

And then there were two...

My oldest child has graduated from college!
Now, she's headed off to the 'wild blue yonder' to make her fortune and prepare for my monthly white-gloved visits...(Once a mother, always a mother. ' Um, have you flossed today?' 'Darling, you need lipstick.')

No, the reality of it is she's moving to Colorado and she had to kick me off while I cried, clinging to her leg.
*Sigh*...children. Why don't they get it?  That, yes, we want them to leave the nest, but all that means is move across the street?! Otherwise,  how are we going to have coffee every morning together? How are my dreams going to be fulfilled with you happily nestled in a snow bank?  

Oh,'s not about my dreams. Ooopsie, I forgot!
Claire graduating from college with her degree in History has fulfilled one of my greatest dreams.
This road has not been an easy one, which makes it all the more...well, MORE.
More Joyous!
More Proud!
More Happy!
More Relieved!
MORE!! (Sung with a slight vibrato in the key of 'C')

Did I ever tell you Claire could barely read by the third grade? That I homeschooled her in the fourth grade, and drilled Hooked on Phonics, until we both wanted to die?! That she repeated sixth grade...?

You've never met a child who loved the silent 'e' more than her. When she wasn't sure how to spell a word, she'd throw in a few extra 'silent e's'  until it looked just right. Hey, they're silent after all...

In her fifth grade year, I walked into the bathroom after she had showered, and saw written on the steamy mirror..."I am stuuped. I hate my sef."  Takes your breath away, doesn't it?

Did I ever tell you she took honors classes in high school? That she was a peer leader, and went on to earn a dean's scholarship her freshmen year of college? Did I tell you she worked as a Nanny and helped with a little girl's  homework  for three years? A little girl who also struggles with school and because of Claire's own experiences, she had an understanding and patience that impressed her employers?
 Let the grinning from ear to ear begin...

 Sweet Brianna...
 Sisters, sisters...they're were never such devoted sisters...many men have tried to split them up and noone can....

Moppy and Poppy!! Hugs, and Kisses, and more Hugs and Kisses...

 Grandma and Ted! And more Hugs and Kisses!

 Daddy!! She always was a daddy's girl...

Mommy! Mommy, why do you have a vice grip around my neck? Yes, I'm still moving to Colorado.  Mommy, you're hurting me...

More grinning from ear to ear...

Hey, who's this cutie-patootie?!  He's happy we're about to go have lunch.

Aunt NeNe and Uncle Wayne! And Madi! Have we brainwashed you yet, that Madi should attend Lee?

Jackson and Cole and FIRE!!! Awesome!

Did I tell you that love never fails?  And that it was proven this past weekend when our family came together, in the spirit of love, and acceptance, and  forgiveness, and  joyfully gathered to celebrate together this momentous occasion?

Gosh, I haven't told you alot of things!! Meet me here for coffee tomorrow morning, I want to hear all about what's been going on with you, and tell you about my latest diet crisis...(can you say, 'arc trainer?')