Tuesday, January 10, 2012

I did a Marathon! Whoo-Hoo, and Bring on the French Fries!

6 hours and 45 minutes later, I'd crawled my way to the finish line.

 How IN. THE. WORLD. DID. SHE. DO. IT? you ask?
French Fries. and lots and lots of motivational speeches that I randomly gave myself throughout the race.

But mostly it was the promise of french fries. And a million dollars. (One little lie I told myself during the last leg of the race-try it! It really works!)

And the promise of a beautiful, golden Mickey Medal . I knew I couldn't go home without one. So, basically it was either get that damn Mickey Medal or be forced to be homeless and live a life of utter and complete shame all the rest of my days.

Yep, that's the one that got me.
Did I mention french fries?

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Bring on the Magic! It's Marathon Time!

It's the New Year and I ate a goat-cheese sandwich.

Yes, folks, its come to this. I'm lookin' for some magic!
How else do you expect me to even attempt to finish the upcoming Disney Marathon that I've signed up for, and in fact will be here in....*gasp*!...2 more days!

Paper bag, please, quickly, my lungs are about to collapse.

People, do you realize its 26.2 miles looooonnnngggg??? How could you let me? Why didn't you immediately order the straight jacket and the dudes with the big long needles?

I know what I said... 'I'm training, I believe in myself'' PHooey. Balooey, mo-mo Kapooey! What a bunch of high pitched nasal drivel!
Breathe....Breathe....Breathe....Yes, I'm in labor....I'M TRYING TO GET THE FEAR OUT OF ME!

Fine. Whatever. I've heard pistachios are miracle workers...and lemon juice cures large warts...and eating bark off trees will give you more stamina than you ever thought possible. All I know for sure: Candy is the most important ingredient of LIFE. Without it, you can't do anything. Thank goodness I have some Hot Tamales hidden in my dresser drawer. Sheesh!

Next time you see me, I'll be:
1. Dead OR
2. Lazily relaxing in the hotel hot-tub after being picked up and forced out of the race by the 'follow the rules' Disney enforcers because I was going wayyyyy tooooo slllloooooowwwww. OR
3. Grinning like a Chesire Cat, trying to sell my newly won Mickey Medal on ebay because I heard its real gold. Or maybe I just dreamed that.
4. Eating a HUGE lollipop from the store near Cinderella's Castle and waving wildly as Barry runs by because I came to my senses in the nick of time...

I'll keep you posted friends.
If you call being a friend, "Let's watch the little idiot try this"...

"A dream is a wish your heart makes, when you're fast asleep, a dream is so stupid sometimes, that you realize you really just needed to...*beep*...