Friday, April 30, 2010
But I know better. I always do. How else will we ever become BFF'S?
And so I give you...My living room. I just dusted it. That's why it's on here. I figured you'd want to know.
And then I went to Goodwill and purchased these two lovelies...
I just finished reading this. Purchased from Goodwill about a week ago, I enjoyed it tremendously. Did you just yawn? Best friends don't yawn when other best friends are sharing. I can tell you have alot to learn...from me. Together we can grow. And you can change. I recommend it especially if you like good stories about love and loss and friendship. If you don't then something's obviously wrong with you, but don't worry our friendship can be salvaged. Do you like candy?
Whew! I've just realized all that I've accomplished today and frankly, I'm impressed. I'm so happy we're gonna be Best Friends Forever...
Thursday, April 29, 2010
No? That'll teach you. Don't you ever,ever, EVER miss a post of mine again, do you hear me? Don't make me pull this car over...
Or this? Me sneaking into the kitchen for a 'candy fix'? When he thought I was out back rototilling, or sorting out the recycling bins...this man's a dreamer I tell ya.
Precious Little Cottage instead of Hideous Ugly Eyesore
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
And yet ANOTHER post in honor of National Pondering Day...I do believe I've gone plumb crazy! Somebody take the video camera away from me.
VLOGGING IS MY LIFE NOW!!!!
*Push the little triangle again...Just in case you've already forgotten how to do it.
*push the play button, the little triangle right above...for the technologically backward...I'm here for you, for I am you.
I love watching exercise videos. They're always so inspirational...
Why is the videographer breathing heavy as well as the exerciser?
Something to PONDER...
*see post below. Don't forget it's National Ponder Day!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
I'm now questioning everything I've ever believed in. Has she EVER washed the sheets? She's probably been all passive-aggressive, giggling to herself everytime we come, wondering if this is the weekend we'll end up with body lice. And crossing her fingers and praying hard that it will be. At least, I know that's what I would do if she kept coming to visit me every weekend, uninvited. And after all I've done for her...
What have I done for her? Well lots of stuff. I can't think of anything right now of course, but I will. And then you'll see... my side.
You want to know about Yahtzee? Who really cares about Yahtzee when more pressing matters are weighing heavy on the mind? Lamaze breathing is in order...(hee-hoo, hee-hoo-hee-hoo, ow,ow,owwwwww!!!!)
Fine. Let's talk about the Yahtzee.
These two aren't the innocent angels you think they are. They're Yahtzee Ninjas, out to rule the world through intimidation and extreme concentration.
Now this is a man. Pink shirt, pink matching belt...Style baby, that's what I'm talkin 'bout.
Miami Vice is twice as nice.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Quick, somebody, where's my french beret?
I plan on taking the paint-by-number world by storm.
Hey kids! Look what you're getting for Christmas this year! I know, I shouldn't have, but you know what? You're worth it.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Outta my way people!! Lady with a baby comin' through!!
Amazing, the low down dirty tricks I'm willing to resort to. For other peoples junk.
And when I say cheap, I mean for almost nothing.
You want 50cents for that?? What, are you crazy? How 'bout a nickel?
Smile, wink, wink.
Or the $5.00 office chair, worth a $100.
How 'bout $3 bucks? No? Well then, you can just keep your stupid ol' office chair. (While I sit here this very moment with my back hurting because I should've paid the five. *sigh* Oh, well. Here comes this Saturday!)
Sometimes I'll splurge for no good reason and spend $2 dollars on something I absolutely do not need. Then I have to get rid of it, because I just do, and give it to Goodwill. Oh, I hate that. Especially when my mom comes to visit and wants to go to every Goodwill in town. And buy the stuff I gave it.
Sometimes I find amazing, beyond amazing, to infiniti and back stuff. Well that only happened once. When I was with my mom and we found a Tiffany lamp that she later sold for boo-koo bucks. Good thing she bought it, cause they wanted $15 whole dollars, what are you crazy? She's not as cheap as I am. And, she didn't even know it was a Tiffany at the time.
Anyway, I usually find little stuff that makes my heart sing. Like these salt shakers. $1
I needed new salt and pepper shakers, bad. I've already used them like 20 times since Saturday. They are awesome!
But this was my piece de la resistance...
I went to the beach yesterday, and as I lay there soaking up the rays I took a small handful of sand and watched as it sifted through my fingers. And God reminded me of this verse. Staring at each grain of sand I thought of how faith works and how great God is. He's always taking the smallest thing and multiplying it, making it more and better and bigger than we ever could on our own.
"But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him." Hebrews 11:6
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
She'd given me this... 'Yoo-hoo, big sister, love of my life, I have something special for you. I think you'll really, really like it.'
I should have noticed the demonic glint in her eye.
Something so evil my camera refused to take it.
Unable to focus, my camera strained and groaned with fright...
But I forced it.
I plan on putting the evidence in a safe deposit box as soon as I spread the news to my faithful readership. Of five. Dear Readers, you're always on my mind...(hold on, I suddenly need to sing the Willie Nelson song as loud as I can. Give a dying woman her last wish, will ya? Maybe I didn't hold you as often as I should have, maybe I didn't, whatever, I don't remember the words, hum, hum, humming, but you were always on my mind, you were always on my miiinnnddd.)
Ta-da! Here it is...the hideous plot revealed. Finally. (stupid camera. cheap piece of ****)
Unfortunately the friends I served it to last night weren't so lucky. One bite and they dropped dead. Oh, well. That'll teach 'em. To stop drinking only diet coke and eating low fat, sugar free lettuce.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Because if he is, he's got some 'splainin to do. As in, where's all the money dude? Not to mention the private jet, penthouse in New York, and fabulous trips around the world.
He says it's not true. He says he's just a simple country boy who just happens to own a visor and a tennis racket. (Wait! Is that a badminton racket? Well then. Surely only a famous tennis professional could have the skillz necessary to play with such an instrument.)
Hmmmmm... suspicious! Veddy, veddy suspicious!
Monday, April 19, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
I thought it would be fun to interview my middle child while she's here living with me. Before she heads back to the cold cruel world that is Lee University.
I drug out the handy karaoke machine and proceeded.
Me: Tapping the microphone...Hello? hello?...
Daughter: Tries to grab microphone out of my hand. Always grabbing for the spotlight, I tell ya...
Question: Why are you here at my house?
Answer: Because England kicked me out. I have nowhere else to go.
Question: How do you feel about that?
Question: And Bitter?
Question: Are you always so talkative?
Question: Are you glad I'm your Mother?
Answer: No comment. (Psychotic laughter)
Question: What are you planning on doing this summer?
Answer: Making money and entertaining myself. Wait...that sounds weird.
Question: Are you bored living here with your Mother?
Answer: No comment. (Psychotic laughter...again.)
Question: What do you want to do with your life?
Answer: Be a missionary. (Or stay here and live and clean and cook for my Mother....she's staring off into space now. She seems shut down.)
Question: What's your favorite food?
Question: Do you want to get your picture taken in the little hole under the bridge?
Answer: No. (She means of course I do! That would be hilarious!)
Question: Any other thoughts?
Answer: That only killed 10 minutes. What are we gonna do now?
Question: Do you think you have ADD?
Question: Yes, you. (who else am I interviewing? Bright college kid, this one.)
Answer: I don''t. But my mom does.
Question: Who's your mom?
Question: How does that make you feel?
Answer: Please, help.
Question: Huh? You wish you had more last names?
The interviewee has left the room...Wow.
I now appreciate what Oprah's had to put up with all these years.
Friday, April 16, 2010
And I freely give it to you. So, take it.
I SAID TAKE IT!
*sigh* Ministry can be so hard.
God has given each of us special gifts and He wants us to use them. I hope this encourages
you to never give up and to press in and share what He's given to you. In other words, stop being lazy. And selfish. And dumb. I love encouraging you!
People need time. Time to think and ponder about the great words of wisdom offered that day. I understand. After I've encouraged you, take all the time you need. 5,4,3,2,1...Ding! Time is up. What do you mean you still feel sad? That's impossible.
You've got to know when to hold 'em...know when to fold 'em...know when to walk away, know when to run...
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
OR... It was nothing like that. She went to Europe for 3 months for college, but oh, how she missed me! She's my baby. I know these things. I can tell by the look on her face exactly what she's thinking. Like a mother knows and understands her newborn's cry, I know and understand her every expression.