5 Months Later, and 200 pounds lighter

I've lost 200 pounds, and counting...

Yep, that means I officially weigh NOTHING. I'm light as air.

"Impossible", you gasp!?? Well, believe me it hasn't been easy. Imagine what shopping is like these days.

The last time we spoke I was high on caffeine, and had started RUNNING. Which is completely ridiculous considering the physique I'm dealing with-Large bazoombas and a pelvis that could easily produce millions of kids. I definitely could've given '19 and Counting' a run for their money. Of all the get-rich-quick-schemes I've embraced,  I don't know why I didn't think of that one!
 
And yet, still I run. Every morning me and my bestest buddy meet at the crack o'dawn and pound the pavement because it's the only thing that works. For eating donuts I mean. And spaghetti, and pizza, and candy, and whatever else is delicious in this world. So anyway, here's how I lost it:

The Rock-n-Roll  Half-Marathon in Nashville, TN in April! 13 miles later, we clawed our way across the finish line, and officially celebrated our 20 pound weight loss! PLUS an extra 10 for mental exhaustion and pure craziness thinking we could even run  marathons  in our mid-forties! But we did!

Sold the house. In 3 days! That was worth another 25 pounds of complete joy being released at one time, since I no longer had to blow my whistle, yelling every five minutes to keep this

 %$#@! house clean.

Wonderful Daughter #2 graduated from college! 35 pounds of ' I'm so proud of this child' evaporated through my pores and left me in a sweaty mess the rest of the day.

New home renovation...caused a small 25 pound relapse, but I knew it would be worth it. Plus, I enjoyed eating all the cookies I wanted immensely.  

Claire came to visit for THE VERY FIRST TIME since we moved here! This miraculously removed a whopping 40 pounds that had piled up around my heart, threatening to smother me at times. It's true--losing weight does help you breathe better.

Decorating, and shopping for, and actually moving in to our new home.

50 pounds baby!! This made me downright skinny with love it was so much fun.

Finding my living room couch at Goodwill for under $100 dollars??...I evaporated into thin air and disappeared for awhile, until I remembered to eat the candy I'd hidden in my car's side door, which instantly caused me to gain 20 pounds...thank goodness!

So, 200 pounds lighter I'm happy to share my secret weightloss secrets with you, my secret friends....Promise you'll keep it a secret?

 Because I'm thinking this is my newest get-rich-quick-scam and I really, really don't want to blow it this time!

Light as a feather and soon to be very very wealthy...

Come join us, won't you?

My Name Is Gump...

I run now. All the time. Against my own will, I put on my tennis shoes and take off like the wind. Okay, not the wind. I take off, like a cheetah. Okay, not a cheetah exactly. A turtle? Yes, A TURTLE. Or maybe a bear. A large lumbering bear, who's emerged from hibernation.

Have you ever noticed how fluffy Bears are?

Run Chubby Run!

I run against the odds. Against the cruel fate of my obese potential. Against my physique which was not made for running. It was made for bearing children. If only I would've realized at the time that was my niche.

And yet I run...

See that guy? That's not me. He looks way too joy-filled.

I, on the other hand, have a look of severe pain while I run. I think it's much more appropriate, plus it garners sympathy from the average passer-by. Just for affect, I may add tears streaming down my face the  next time I run. I'll let you know how that goes.

If A Woman Licks a Spoonful of Chocolate...

If a woman, whose name I will not reveal, licks a spoonful of chocolate and NOBODY sees it, do those calories count?

I didn't think so. (For those of you who answered yes... You're obviously much too hard on yourself, and need to schedule a mani/pedi/massage/mediterrean cruise as soon as you finish reading this. What do you mean, 'but I'm skinny?' That's not the point.)

*sigh*
Skinny People...they can be relentless sometimes, can't they? If they only knew how unpopular their I'm so dedicated  attitude is making them. It's getting them nowhere. Except tight spots. Big deal if they can squeeze into the ridiculously narrow opening between the refrigerator and the pantry door where most people  keep the broom.

Chubby people are popular. Because Chubby People are Happy People!  They allow themselves a little  sugar-laden chocolate every now and then. That's my own unbiased, humble, fat-faced opinion.

Sorry I stuck my tongue out at you.

Note to self: Skinny people are so sensitive these days...

Good News and Bad News

First of all, here's the GOOD news:

I fit into my 'skinny' jeans! (Happy dance, clapping hands, and gleeful shouts of joy are being engaged in at this moment) Yep, I just put them on, and they zipped right up with no problem. Looks like all that diet/exercise mumbo jumbo is finally paying off!

Now, for the BAD news:

My 'skinny' jeans aren't really all that skinny. As a matter of fact, they're the exact same size as my regular jeans. Just a tighter version. Which means I have very low standards for what constitutes a rowdy celebration.

 Hey, at my age, I'm gonna take what I can get. After all, I'm working with NO METABOLISM and a STRONG CANDY ADDICTION. Not to mention an aversion to SPANX.

Spanx alone would make me look 10 pounds thinner. But I'm not going there...I'm doing it the old fashioned way. Lots of caffeine, starvation and excessive exercise.

What do you mean, why is my hand shaking?