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Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I Almost Shot Milk Out Of My Nose

It's true, I swear on my mother's grave, (except she's still alive) I ALMOST SHOT MILK STRAIGHT OUT OF MY NOSE THIS MORNING!!


THAT will wake you up...

I had just taken a sip of the special morning beverage which strengthens thy bones, and dove back into reading "Aunt Erma's Cope Book", written by the hilarious Erma Bombeck. Note to self: Don't ever do that again.


And that reminds me of second grade, when Holly Bashford, my best, best friend in the whole world (except I wasn't her best friend...I'm obviously still needing tons of therapy to get over it.) did shoot milk out of her nose while eating lunch in the school cafeteria.


It was a sight to behold. I wish I could see it again. And here's the part I liked the best. It happened because of something I said. Something funny I'd said, and then BAM!...a fountain of milk. I never felt so good in all my life and I've never been the same. It was Life Changing I tell you.

Right after that, at the lunch table, I broke out my ability to make a 'nub' and pet it with my 'crippled hand'. It was received well. Big laughs  and a few, 'oh that is weirds', but no more milk fountains.

So now I roam the earth, trying to recreate what happened in second grade. So far, no luck. Other than this morning...and that was only an almost, and its not quite as much fun being the actual milk fountain. I want to create one. I'm driven, in a psychopathic I won't stop 'til you do, type of way. Can you please start drinking milk when you read this blog and let me know if 'IT' happens? Because I don't think I'm going to feel complete in my life until it does.


Thankyou for your support.

  SECOND GRADE: My quest for another Nose Milk Fountain begins...

8 comments:

Sandy aka Doris the Great said...

Would the fact that I had to blow my nose while reading and laughing at you blog work? I hope so. I can't drink milk while I have a cold -- it's mucous forming! (And I don't think you want that shooting out my nose!)

Alisha said...

Thank God it wasn't hot coffee! Done that! Not cool.

reasonably chubby said...

Sandy, thankyou for being considerate. Although just the thought of 'mucous' is gag-o-rama...Please drink milk again as soon as you can. I am after all roaming the earth in anticipation...

reasonably chubby said...

Owwww Alisha! I'm so sorry you experienced that in your life. If it ever happens again, take a picture MIDSTREAM will you?

Beach House Living said...

Do you have a plan B should we all fail in this effort? I mean like have you tried to contact said childhood friend Holly and see if history can repeat itself? There might be the added bonus of finding out why you were not her best best friend....Hey, you never know.

ethelmaepotter! said...

Well, I've shot Diet Dr. Pepper out of my mouth onto my laptop. I DO NOT recommend it.

reasonably chubby said...

Dear Beach House,
There is NO PLAN B. So don't even try to think for one moment that you should'nt be drinking milk AT ALL TIMES, because you never know. You may be the ONE to fulfill my deepest longing. (Nose Fountain #2)

EthelMae:I agree. Stingy Dr. Pepper through the mouth is NOTHING like milk through the nose, and would be a horrible experience. Stop drinking Dr. Pepper immediately, and switch to MILK.

MOLLYC said...

Very cute! I think I am funny, but no one around here has spewed milk for a long while. Erma was the best. Keep on blogging!molly