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Thursday, October 21, 2010

Brown Spots Are Pretty

Hey Ya'll-
I'm dashing out the door, headed to Atlanta to attend the Country Living Fair at Stone Mountain Park...I am so excited! But before I go, I wanted to share the traumatic event that scarred me forever.

Yesterday. There I was,  innocent as a lamb led to the slaughter, minding my own business.  I had browsed for a book, chosen one, and stood waiting patiently in line for 15 minutes. Finally, it was my turn. I smiled warmly, and said 'Hello! How are you today?'

She took my book, and...

 That's when the Goodwill checkout clerk asked, "Senior Discount?"

Time stood still. First, I quickly shook my head violently back and forth to make sure my hearing wasn't impaired...Did she say, "Senorita, would you like a discount?" I knew it was unlikely now that I've lost my summer tan. My mind was reeling, seeking an answer to this 11 YEAR age gap situation. Senior Discount?? I quickly looked down at what I was wearing, felt my face, touched my eyelashes, and thought about my roots...I WAS dressed, my makeup WAS on, eyelashes WERE thick, and black and full, just like the mascara advertised they would be, roots WERE highlighted with the sunkissed look of youth. So, I imagined myself slapping her across the face, hard. And it felt good, really, really good.
I snapped back into reality, and that's when I saw it. Her mouth curled into an impish, demonic little grin...Folks, I'm telling ya', it was evil, PURE EVIL checking me out at the Goodwill!

Well, I'm outta here. Gone like the wind in my KIA... into the loving arms of Atlanta...headed straight for the nearest botox clinic...

5 comments:

Lisa said...

Dumbass clerk. Sorry. I imagined I said that, and it felt good. Really, really good.

ethelmaepotter! said...

Oh what a demon she is! She sure was taking a chance though; I know quite a few people who wouldn't have thought twice about that slap!

My sister-in-law unfortunately has looked like a senior for quite a few years, even though she is even now only 52. Which in some places IS a senior. But she's been offered the senior discount for a good ten years or more. And she is sooooo sensitive; she honestly thinks she looks like Marilyn Monroe.

NO. WAY.

She actually lies about her age. She tells everyone who asks that she's 31. Which raises eyebrows even further, because, well, she looks at least twice that.

If I were going to lie about my age, I'd lie UP, so people would say, "WOW! You look great for your age!"

Jen said...

I would tell everyone I qualify for a discount if I thought they'd believe me. She was stupid. But she was trying to save you MONEY.

The Empress said...

following you now. I want to see you dancing naked through the streets.

reasonably chubby said...

Thank you for following me!! I was beginning to lose hope of ever running naked anywhere.