Dictator or President?

I woke with a start this morning and realized with total clarity,
'I should run the world.' Also known as my other oft realized epiphany...'Do I have to teach you people everything?' I also realized the house needs a good dusting, and soon.

I do it all the time. Have FABULOUS ideas that are SO OBVIOUS they would bite you on the boo-tay if they had teeth, but somehow are not being put to use.
What are they?
You mean, the ideas?

.....?????.....?????....?????....?????

You can't put genius on the spot like that. It doesn't work that way. Duh...'do I have to teach you everything?!' (Ah, satisfaction. One good use of my oft realized epiphany)

I can die happy now, thin hair gently covering my no-neck. Don't even try to pry the candy from my balled fist, but most importantly, don't forget to bury me in black.

Can you believe I was actually able to get two men to marry me? I'm constantly spouting drivel like this, and still, they come in droves, begging for my hand. Well, two of them did. Not at the same time. I'm not into the whole 'brother husband' idea.

Ugh, can you even imagine? Large inhale, 'let's not even go there'...